I admit it: I spend basically every waking hour on Twitter. It’s the first thing I check in the morning, it’s the last thing I do before I go to bed, it’s how I pass the time while I’m standing in line at the grocery store.
Thus, I am familiar with the AOT (asshole on Twitter) and have developed an excellent strategy for handling them. I am now going to share this innovative, earth-shattering AOT Elimination Strategy with you. You can thank me later.
Scenario #1: Someone tweets something really obnoxious. It is something so obnoxious that it burns your eyes just to see that tweet sullying the sanctity of your phone. Its obnoxiousness simply makes you seethe and hate the very person attached to the very fingers that typed that very obnoxious tweet.
1. Decide: Is this an issue worth fighting for? (Here’s a hint: If they’re tweeting about a television show, it is most definitely not an issue worth fighting for. If they’re tweeting about civil rights, animal cruelty, child molesters, etc, it might be an issue worth fighting for. Maybe.)
2. If it is an issue worth fighting for, reply and share your opinion. Do not curse. Do not insult the AOT’s intelligence, user photo, or mother. And for the love of god, do not use the wrong form of “your” or “you’re,” because it will immediately invalidate your argument. Nine times out of ten, this very obnoxious person will do a great job of making themselves look like the AOT that the are, and you can move on with your life.
3. If it is not an issue worth fighting for, unfollow the person who said it, because you hate them and their stupid typing fingers, and move on with your life.
4. If the obnoxiousness continues to burn your eyes (for example, they are @replying you in their obnoxiousness, or people you follow keep RTing their obnoxiousness), simply block the AOT. All gone! The block button is an awesome tool. It is a simple way to say “I don’t want to read the things that you write, so I’m moving on with my life” without having to get offensive and make yourself look like an AOT.
Of course, sometimes it is not as simple as that.
Scenario #2: Someone tweets something really obnoxious about you. It is a lie and/or it is mean and/or it hurts your feelings and/or it is total pointless douchey cyber bullying. Sometimes they @ tag you. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes entire armies of Vampire Diaries fans insist on calling you “cow” in Portuguese every single day of your life. Sometimes grown adults who you have never even met call you a bitch. Regardless, it really sucks.
1. Don’t return the favor by being an AOT. When people get abusive on Twitter, they look like the jerk, not you, because they were incapable of following the rules for Scenario #1. My favorite thing to do when people say insane things to me is to RT it and move on with my life. (I RT them because once they stop hurting my heart-area they are hilarious and I don’t like to deprive my followers of hilarious things.)
2. Decide if it’s worth replying. Remember that sometimes, replying is basically the equivalent of poking a hideous angry drooling bear-shark hybrid with a stick. It will only make it angrier and more hideous. If you do reply, follow the rules: No cursing, no personal insults, and no grammar crimes. You’re better than that.
3. Block them and let them continue to spew their bile where you can’t hear them. Cue up Taylor Swift’s song “Mean” and remind yourself that someday you’ll be living in a big ol’ city and all they’re ever gonna be is mean. Move on with your life. I mean… occasionally cry about it in the shower where no one can hear your sobs, but mostly, move on with your life.
14 Responses to “stuff i don’t love: assholes on twitter”
- a softer world
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