Question: At what point are you too old for Christmas morning to be an embarrassment of riches?

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(wilmington, n.c.; sept 22, 2011)

You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves
you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terr-
ible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself
a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy,
and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to
choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and
he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your
heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you
don’t even have a name for.

This is from “You Are Jeff,” by Richard Siken, one of my favorite poems and one of my favorite poets. Check it out. It’s a really interesting piece about two versions of one person — maybe a person you used to be and a person you will be — colliding.

I used to read a LOT of poetry in college… I think I started reading it because I just wanted to be the kind of person who sat around a college campus with my back against a tree reading poetry in the fall while wearing a sweater and drinking a latte. Like a person that exists only in a brochure meant to comfort parents. The thing is, the tree was uncomfortable, the grass was wet, and the latte was actually steamed milk with almond because I didn’t touch caffeine in college. It was not genuine at all. The poetry was good, though. I don’t read much anymore but I’ve got a few books I haven’t attacked yet, so maybe this winter.

Below, you can find a link to two of my favorite songs smooshed together in the most perfect way. Listening to this makes me want to drive and drive and drive.

it always seems night endlessly begins and ends and ends and ends
after all of the dreaming, i wanna come back home again
the screen door slams and mary’s dress waves
and like a vision she dances across the porch while the radio plays
counting crows :: rain king / thunder road (live in nyc)

(getting my hair done. this is the before shot. new salons are terrifying, hence the giant glass of vino.)

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